Trust

“Trust: this word can cause doubt, fear, and indecision in our lives. How does one trust anyone? We must first look at ourselves know who we are, what it is we want from life, our relationships, and friends. In this way we can look at the people in our lives what benefit they bring us, as well as how those relationships keep us in the reality we created for ourselves. The power of this word…”

Today I got an email from a business friend of mine.  The above paragraph was the the beginning of the whole thing.

I wanted to make a post surrounding it because Trust is a very important element to take into account when it comes to massage.  I also have “trust issues” that have been around since I was born.  (I can thank lots of cranio-sacral therapy for that insight - seems I came into the world having doubts about my safety.)

Personal relationships and trust. In the longer version of the text I started this post with - it goes into detail about how we, more or less, lie to ourselves about how other people we love or interact with really are.  I know for myself, that I have lived in many dilusional fantacies about my love relationships that eventually ended in fireworks that were not pretty.  These days I tend to catch myself and have the tough conversations where I admit my folly and see if the relationship can survive without the false ideas I was once placing on them.

Trust and the Massage therapy relationship.  Trust is a big deal when you are getting a massage from someone.  Massage is intimate.  There are no other modalities where a health care giver will give so much time and focus to your body.  The massage therapist who touches you for an hour will know your body, in some ways, way better than your doctor.  Trust and comfort is essential to a truly great massage experience.

I don’t care if you are the world’s best massage therapist - if your client doesn’t trust you or feel comfortalbe with you - your massage will not “sink in” People tend to think that if a professional has the great skills that it is enough to facilitate great change and healing.  My experience has been that clients who have a great connection and personal trust in their therapist will have the best and most long-lasting results regardless of “how good” the therapist is.

Trust is a practice.   I think I default in saying “it’s a practice”  because almost everything in life IS a practice.  Life itself is not a stationary thing.  People tend to compartmentalize their experiences of life so much that it is almost like it is “lost on them” that life is a changing and moving thing.  Trust is the same way.  There are given “states” of trust in any given relationship.  These states will change with experience.  Often times our behavior will say “I trust you the same as I did before”  when really, this is not the case.   This is when the difficult conversations have to be had.  One must look at themselves and honestly let the other person “in” on the change in trust they have for the other person.  This is why I say it’s a practice.  Trust can change.

If one monitors levels and changes of trust through the course of any given relationship there is less risk for fireworks.  Back to that whole practice thing… Deliberate conversation about trust levels and expectations in a relationship are both hard and imperative.  How many times have you seen or been in a relationship where this didn’t happen and it fell apart at the end in a very ugly way?  That is because both parties avoided the truth conversations over and over untill the situation was so out of integrity that it HAD to just Fall apart?  If you have the courage to acknowledge and talk about trust and how they have changed for you, you can really stop some train wrecks.

Ask yourself:  where am I feeling a lack of trust with my friend, my partner, my business partner?  and then ask yourself if that person is a aware of that lack of trust.  Then ask yourself if the relationship would survive you telling them about it.  Have the courage to “get back into integrity.”  Talk to your partners and loved ones about your trust in them.  Chances are, even if it upsets the whole universe of your life (or theirs), it’s just what the doctor ordered because it will cause a re-alignment of integrity and things will heal.  It may not be easy or pretty but the truth will heal.

I think that’s why they say that the truth hurts.

Truth is the scouting messenger of healing