Business as Kink-friendly Business Owner

There are pros and cons to the business world. There are pros and cons to the kink and poly worlds. As an open person in general and doing business with this truth about me, I have noticed appreciation and lack of appreciation for my particular expression in the business world.

I find generous pats on the back at my business concept… “Way to go, Sierra, you are being open about your lifestyle and running a business that embraces and capitalizes off it; right on! You go girl!” Then I find there is also a darker side to the whole experience of kink-friendly business expression. This darker side, as I put it, is made manifest in a few different ways, some rather intangible. I have found that there’s a certain element of not being taken seriously, fear from others of the unknown and strange, and judgment that makes it’s self-known in subtle ways in society. but I could be wrong, to use an old and friendly line from Dennis Miller

While talking to Domonic - a great marketing guru of the Biznik crowd - at the last biznik happy hour, he informed me that one of his colleagues used my massage Freek business and concept to illustrate target marketing in a powerful way.

So, while I know that I am not the world’s greatest writer and certainly have many years yet in front of me, to perfect the art of expression myself as a powerful and valid business entity, I still have valid and even wise information to contribute.

So I find it making my little brain do twists n turns and sad that while my other esteemed sponsors of the bizjam have been written up in the Bizjam blog… massage freek’s top sponsor“15 minutes of fame” has yet to be mentioned in the Bizjam blog.

Hmmmm
I wonder what that’s about? What am I sponsoring? A button?
So I’ve given a call and wait for a response with the words of excitement spoken to me by Dan ringing in my head from Tuesday when he told me he was going to blog about me.

This is an example of “something that is happening” that makes an emotional and even, I’ll admit it, dubious and guarded and apprehensive person like me think “hah, I wonder if this whole massage Freek “being open” thing… is freaking them out? Or is it just that since I’ve gone from “scattered kinkster starting a business” to “icon of target marketing” . maybe what I WAS… is still the way they see me in their minds. ”
Who knows at this point?
I am just going to use this as an illustration of a “what the fuck?” that can happen … that make me wonder… is this due to being and openly sex-positive and kinky business owner? Or have they just forgotten? Have they not gotten enough information from me?

I’m in this for my own heart and passion. I am writing a post on this, not only to express my irritation but also to give some … examples

of the possible Hazards or cons of being open, honest and kinky in business. Chances are there are others that are open and doing business within the context of their chosen alternative lifestyles. I think, perhaps, I am getting a dose of realism with this experience. Not only do I have to face facts that I’m not super experienced at business, but there is also a stigma(?) attached to being kink-friendly.
I have also encountered this odd question of stigma or fear (?) at the inquiries regarding my monthly networking happy hour at the spitfire.

I was getting lots of notes and post with concerns like this: “if I go to this happy hour, will this make others think that I am kinky or in a kinky lifestyle?”
So ok, there are issues about being “outed” or being labeled as something they are not. Totally valid concerns. Chances are, if you are worried about that sort of thing… there’s something there to be healed. So my advice would be to say just go for it and to hell with the labels that might be posted on you. Honor yourself, if you know you’re not going to like the possible labels… just stay away. If you are open minded; and you want to check it out, just know that you will be triggered and, possibly, you will come up against your own issues. very scary. yup.

Honor your path.
It just purifies the party, so to speak.
Which is why Dominic preaches the word of target marketing … Market with people you actually want to work with.
Do I have a point?
Sure, it’s there somewhere. I think at this point, my wise and sage advice might be the best next thing to write…

People in the sex-positive and kink worlds are used to being treated with strange and even crass, but sadly, usually unconsciously demeaning behavior from those who are “vanilla,” uneducated, inexperienced or just plain judgmental of the lifestyler in question’s life. My communities are used to hiding, having double lives or being so far out there and bold that they just bust right thru and you can’t help but admire them. I wonder if I fit into any of those categories?

So there’s this presence of open-mindedness, inner clarifying and dogged self-examination (because everyone I know in any alt lifestyle goes thru YEARS processing self-doubt, questioning their motives because of the opinions of their loved ones and society at large and, of course, how others treat them) that I have found in most of the individuals that live and know themselves to be members of the kink, alternative, sub-culture and sex-positive natured communities. With this sort of confidence, matured from monstrous amounts of internal and externally enlightening experience, the kinkster, the poly guy and the Goth ‘n’ punk alike, have a tendency to see “normal” people’s unresolved personal image and sexual issues activated in their dealings with the general population.

yay, us.

So basically, I am boldly saying that “mah peepole” (and me) get treatment that just … heals and enlightens at same time that it pisses them the fuck off. It becomes a learned response because it is so common to get a funky response that demands a kinkster to be gaurded and not want to be hurt and vulnerable.

But what can we do? (get a massage with someone who understands :P) Use it! That’s what I say. Use that time and energy spent in self-examination thru the years as you were trying to decide whether or not you were fucked up for wanting to have more than one boyfriend (and wanting them to know about it and get along) or liking to get tied up, to educate, tolerate and eventually accept the divinity that we ALL are expressing.

Cool thing about people like me and the whack-o’s of sub-culture and the sex-positive communities, is that we’re pretty damn forgiving. Most of us, due to aforementioned intensive soul searching, we sorta understand that people can’t help but be a bit shallow, unexamined and well…. appearance driven. (I know I’m appearance driven… I hate the fear of looking bad and I can honestly say I’ve feared being associated with a person or group that could make me look bad)

So I forgive, thru gritted teeth, and understand that everything happens not only because it does, but also because it is supposed to. I believe, strongly, that we attract situations in our lives that challenge us to be bigger and make the world and ourselves grow.

In fact, I would even say it is my mission in life to challenge and be challenged so that I “get bigger” (i.e. produce more, get more unstuck and less irrationally and negatively “triggered”) and inspire others to “be bigger” in their own lives.

I have learned that I am a mirror for others. We all are. but oh! the things I see! or percieve to see. I know for sure that there are some people that intend no harm that know no better. I know for sure that there are some that truely have mean-spiritied intents. I practice honoring my feelings, learning from mistakes, watching out for my own judgements and moving into a place of more love and peace.

Sometimes it just takes me a few tries. and a good rant. If only I had the balls of dennis miller. oy.

What can you do?

Hang out with your cool friends that think it’s pretty badass that you can take 1.25 hours of single-tail action and give blessings and toasts to those souls that just don’t know the freedom they are missing. I think there’s a Zen practice in there somewhere.

So yeah, watch out for a post about massage Freek on the bizjam blog and my generous contribution to the conference in the next few days(?) weeks(?) whenever they get around to it.